Ritual – #75 on the Tour

The Bar: Ritual

The Address 281 Main Street

The Day and the TIme 8:30 on Friday

The price Six bucks, which surprised me, but that’s what this tour is, nothing but surprises.

Did they ask me if I wanted a lime She just put it in.

What was the type of gin Bombay Sapphire. No shit. Really, a six dollar g and t with Bombay. I didn’t see her put it in, but when I looked up I saw that the liquid level in the Bombay bottle was rocking like a wave. Call me Sherlock Dante, I notice things.

What was the gin and tonic like Alcoholic. Did she not see my Open Letter to Bartenders? I am already at the bar, I don’t need to stay by a drink that is all booze and and no panache. Wow. I didn’t even taste the florals of  the Bombay, I just tasted the fact that I was getting shitfaced.

The Joint What an odd place. With a name like Ritual I would want to see some kind of alter, some area where there can be a blood sacrifice for those who don’t tip the servers. At happy hour, they perform the final scene of Shirley Jackson’s story the Lottery, where everyone at the bar is given a folded piece of paper and the one with the paper with the black dot gets their Buffalo Wings appetizer free on the house, and then they are stoned to death. That’s what I want a Ritual restaurant to be. They can get a Zagats rating and a FBI Most Wanted posting.

But what we have here is a concrete block with high walls. There are idols around the room that range from Buddhist statues to some angry Island God of Vengeance and Hotel Hospitality. But there is a little wear and tear in the place, some of the walls are marked with nicks to the exterior, like someone hit it with a ball peen hammer indiscriminately.The staff were either dressed in restaurant server black or go-go dancer regalia. I am talking about the woman who served me my drink, she had go-go boots and a dress that looked more like a doily. It was short, and then some. Making me wonder what the targeted audience is for the place. There was a serious, almost dire decorative idea mixed up with sexy girl server. Weird.

General Impressions The place is a restaurant that happens to have a bar in the middle of the joint. But the restaurant was odd. I don’t know what kind of food it had or how good it was, but it was dark, foreboding and then there was dance music playing, sports on the four large screen HD TVs and who the hell knows what the esthetic is? They had a couple at the bar who were very dressed up and ready for a night out. Then there were others at the tables dressed for Mozzarella Sticks at Appleby’s.

Then there were the two little kids walking around the bar area. Behind the bar. I guess they were the children of an employee (I saw what looked like the mother cashing out at the register behind the bar), but for a drinking tourist such as myself, you don’t see seven year olds in the bar area of a place. I wondered how the kid would do making a Whiskey Sour, they teach that as part of the Massachusetts Education Core requirements for third grade. It’s part of MCAS, isn’t it?

Amount of Time in the Joint 15 Minutes

Will I come back No.


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